Ok all of you. Listen please!
Please line up here on my right for forgiveness if your failure or sin arises from any of the following;
You spilt your coffee,
You were late picking up the children from school,
You set your alarm on weekdays but fail to set it at the same time so you can get up early to pray on the Sabbath ! (Oh MY!!!)
You have made sarcastic remarks about politicians while listening to or watching the news,
You broke your resolution not to have cake or biscuits with your midmorning drink and openly encouraged others to indulge in a brownie with you,
You pronounce ‘research’ reesearch,
You took a DVD back to the hire shop late,
You watch football while talking to your girlfriend when she would prefer to have your whole attention for the duration of the evening.
You offer to help dry up but only because you want to ask your mum to check over your job application while you’re in the kitchen together.
You are kind to your pet but turn a blind eye to the way farm animals are treated and enjoy your Sunday roast with gratitude.
You are patronising but they can’t tell because they don’t know any better,
You look into the face of the person speaking to you and realise as they are talking that you have let your mind wander, but then, of course, you return to focus on the plot the moment you notice you’ve drifted off.
Don’t worry. God has a plan to forgive you. He has a form. Tick the box that vaguely describes your category of failure, omission or oversight. You have got to admit to the full weight of responsibility even though you didn’t mean to cause any offence or hurt, and you weren’t the one who orchestrated the circumstances anyway. He Understands. Hand the form in to the Heavenly Operative or their Representative in the event of short staffing. You will receive a dispensation in the next three months or in the event of an incorrectly completed form….
Excuse me. Sorry, I have just had an update. There seems to have been a change in policy.
I am reliably informed that The Lord God has sacrificed his only son, Jesus Christ. (Weirdo or what?)
He sent his perfect, innocent son to die, but not just die, he underwent a fake and unfair trial with liars for witnesses, endured torture, ridicule and rejection in public, naked and humiliated, declared guilty, nailed to a cross until he died, he prayed for his enemies…(Who were they that were so blind to his innocence and deity?)
Towards the end of a slow, suffocating death, he experienced an agony of separation from his loving Father, with whom he had until then known the most intimate and loving relationship that has ever been enjoyed in history..just in his moment of most extreme need. Then he died. Forgiving.
All for spilt coffee? Seems a bit extreme, really.
No wait, sorry I seem to have got a bit confused again. Most terribly sorry! I am sure he has a plan.
He went through all that because that is the actual price, a straight exchange, a fair assessment of the, ( I must have got this wrong).. NO PLEASE; STOP!!!! (They’re all stampeding past, I have lost control of this huge crowd!)
There are all kinds of people, young, old, clever, stupid,(frank ly), humble, arrogant, educated, ignorant, poor and wealthy, healthy and ill…all running, stumbling, even crawling past the gates! I’m just going to ask a few stragglers for their form. BBS!
Well, I did say listen but they obviously haven’t listened. I have completely unacceptable categories here. Look at this one! It beggars belief;
Stole money from my Dad, and these..
Worked so full time I couldn’t love my family, go to Church, care for others who needed my love,
Felt fear / doubt / distrust (eh?)
Let it decide my future ( under the guise of a better name..discretion / prudence)
Obeyed the law of the land and disowned the Truth
Looked with lust.
I don’t know what to do with these! These are not the categories I am familiar with. God, have you got a plan for these? These are not what the Gospel alone can handle is it?
It can!! Really? If I need it for THIS, is it still true?
No, You have to prove it.
LIVE BY IT!